Saturday, November 16, 2024

The end of learning [The book banners are right about something]


It’s a universal right for 

each forsaken human being 

to hear stories about people 

thriving in all different ways

coming from all start conditions

of biology, class, gender,

culture, ethnic groups, geogra-

phy, the list goes on for days


and we can’t predict which stories 

will connect to which small humans

but connection to a tale of 

thriving we need to impart, 

because remedying hopelessness 

is both complex and simple: 

everybody needs a vision 

they can hold inside their heart.


For a swan and ugly duckling 

aren’t the same thing – you might think so – 

but the consciousness a swan has 

but the duckling lacks is key

ugly ducklings live out stories 

they can’t find a way to thrive in

but that changes when they learn of 

swans and think “that could be me”


But if we allow one parent 

to prevent their kid from hearing

stories that might give that kid hope 

we are party to abuse.

Queer folx never had a chance to 

thrive as straight; that’s not an option, 

we can move from doomed to thriving 

when new scripts are introduced.


In the story of creation 

God gave Adam the decision

out of all created beings 

just what preference he would voice.

For the Holy One presented

him with tapeworms, goats, and llamas 

as potential life companions

And God left it Adam’s choice.


And the Earthling formed in Eden

chose the woman as his life mate

but to focus on the details

of that one’s mans choice seems strange

For existence precedes essence

and we all must build a meaning

for each life’s a different pattern

that each person must arrange.


So yes it is exposure

to queer stories that transform us 

but it’s  only the right stories 

for each person that will do.

When we’re hopeless undead zombies 

plodding through life without vision 

the right image might ignite a 

spark of  hope in me or you.


My heart goes out to the queer kids 

‘cause I wish I’d found that vision

long before the years it took me 

but this need goes far beyond.

Everybody needs a vision 

of just what a life of purpose 

could be shaped like in their context.

And to that we must respond.


The right stories for each person

can unlock the hope within us.

If we try to live the wrong ones

there’s a lot that can destroy.

Our creator longs for us to

find the fullness of our being

Called to life and life abundant

Called to love and hope and joy.


Gracious living will look different

as each separate person finds it

but the object of our learning

is to find a way to thrive

When we latch on to the stories

that at long last are the right fit

we’ll unlock our maker’s purpose

for us, finally alive

Saturday, October 12, 2024

Stories do change us

This might be one of my #1 public policy issues: As a human right, every single kid needs to be exposed to a wide range of diverse examples of people who thrive in all sorts of different ways. People of all different geographies and neurologies and physical shapes and abilities and ethnicities and gender identities and sexualities and careers and partnered statuses and a whole bunch of other ways humans are different. We don't know who will connect with what examples, but seeing a giant range of ways to thrive and helping kids imagine that just because of where you start, there are lots of "where you can go"s is absolutely life-saving. If we allow any parent on the planet to opt their kid out of exposure to stories about diverse models of thriving, we are complicit in child abuse.

I'd argue the book banners who want to prevent this are partially correct: stories DO make someone queer. But the alternative isn’t “straight”; it’s hopeless or perhaps dead. Make the book banners say it out loud: to deny queer kids stories about queer thriving is to say they would rather said kids be hopeless or dead than thriving as queer people.

Cis kids need to learn about trans people too, but wow, I *really* needed more examples of trans people much much earlier in my life.

We queer folx never had a chance of succeeding at being straight, but in an urgent way, exposure to stories and roles DOES change who we are. It changes us from dysfunctional, hopeless people doomed to fail in an attempt to conform to a hegemonic norm we can never successfully fit into people with hope because there are other models of success that are actually congruent with our core identites.

Self awareness *does* create an existential difference between a ugly ducklings and swans. Just because I wasn't successful at being straight, I wasn't queer yet. I was just hopeless. Exposure to another archetype of success changes people -- changed me -- from a hopeless doomed failure of a straight person into a queer person with hope. Stories changed me from a hopeless doomed miserable cis person to a trans person with hope (I mean I'm still terrified and far from thriving as a trans person, but having other stories to hope for makes living possible).


Friday, October 11, 2024

National Coming Out Day

 It's national coming out day.

I feel like I've done nothing but coming out this year. Other people can come out or reaffirm their coming out today. It's an ongoing process; I'm not done coming out, and I'll have more to say about it. But not right now. Happy coming out day to all who celebrate; for now, I'm tired and I've done far too much "coming out" and today I'm just going to think about what to fix for dinner for me and my amazing kid.

But I will say this to anyone who thinks it might be safe to come out but you're scared to do it: yes, it's terrifying. Yes, there are things and people and contexts you'll lose, and it will be heart-wrenching. But to be yourself and not hide who you are is one of the most amazing things ever. 

And I think the answer might be grilled cheese and tomato soup.

Saturday, September 28, 2024

Change and hope

 There’s a disturbing big number of questions that start with “I never used to want to __; I wonder why I’m starting to feel differently now” for which the answer is “oh, that was a response to gender dysphoria.” I guess the good news about the past is wow, I developed a lot of coping mechanisms and the good news about the present is being able to begin to imagine possibilities beyond them…

I've always understood myself as an introvert. But as I'm rediscovering myself, I'm realizing that gender dysphoria led me to just be uncomfortable in a lot of social settings because I felt like I was present as the *wrong person,* and as I'm trying to grow into my more authentic self, I'm surprised how much more comfortable I am in social settings. But also I have some sort of audio processing bug in my brain, so too many people talking at once does cause my brain to shut down.

Thursday, September 26, 2024

Mark 9:38-50

Interesting to contemplate this coming Sunday's gospel in light of the concept of gender affirming surgery. Especially when we think of sin not as individual bad actions, but that which impairs our relationship with our creator. I can certainly testify to the experience that having the wrong body parts can cause one to live in a hell, where their worm never dies and the fire is never quenched.

The reign of God

The reign of God is a way of living in love, in contrast with the way of this world, in which people either oppress others, themselves live under oppression, or most frequently, both. The good news is that there is a way to live in God’s reign of love, both now and eternally, that involves neither oppressing nor oppression. The task of the church – the only worthwhile task of the church – is to come together as the people of God and begin living this new reality here and now. Everything else is vanity, and a chasing after the wind.


Friday, August 16, 2024

Winslow [The sound of your own wheels]

Back in 1996, I vividly remember a conversation with a friend. In my understanding of the conversation, she was telling me about a woman singer-songwriter who sang a song from the perspective of the woman in Winslow, AZ in the Eagles' song Take It Easy. I spent years trying to track down this song, both in the days before internet search engines and in the days when they existed. This summer I gave up searching and decided to write the song. When I told my friend about this, she laughed and said I’d misunderstood her 28 years ago – the song didn’t exist, but she thought it would be cool if it did. So this song is dedicated to Jen!: Thanks for the writing prompt;

it only took me 28 years to figure it out.



I've |got an F1|50 with an |aftermarket |flatbed

The |brakes could use new |rotors and the |carburetor's |half dead

But |once you get her |started she moves |nice when you're not |slowing |down. | | |

I'm |wearing new red |lipstick and I |think I like it |unless 

There's |slightly too much |contrast with the |colors in my |sundress

I've |got eight long |gorgeous |nails but two are |short and| round | | |


The |sheep out on my |ranch are doing |fine; one just birthed |twins, so

I'm |driving into |town to pick up |medicine in |Winslow

My |family's raised |sheep on this |land for nearly |60 |years | | |

Keep|ing this old truck |going is my |thing but I've been |lazy

Some |bearing in the |rear left wheel makes |sound that makes me |crazy

This |truck's a sort of |lifeline; if it |breaks down I’ll be |left in |tears. | | |


I |fit in and I |don't; this place is |home but still it's |shitty 

What |social life I |have requires |trips to the big |city

But |when I'm there I |somehow seem to |miss this |desert |air | | |

The |local dating |scene is sparse on |queers; we can't be |purists

But |never did I |think I'd fall for |Mother Road-type |tourists

Still, |as I rolled |into |town, guess what |I saw |there? | | |


I've |not been the pos|sessive type, but |damn, I want to |own her

She's |standing on a |corner there in |Winslow Ari|zona

As |if she were a |line that came right |out of someone |else's |song | | |

I |can't parse her re|action when she |noticed that I'd |seen her 

I |kinda like my |odds; her belt has |got a cara|biner

As I |looked her over |not a single |thing about her |could be |wrong. | | |


This |guy steps in front |of her like he |thinks he's the pro|tag’nist 

There's |no way that this ends |well for him; he's |going on my |blacklist 

This |extra factor |makes my hopes of |meeting with her |start to |dim. | | |

So this |jackass tries to |cat call when he |sees me driving |real slow

He |tells me "don't say |maybe"; does he |realize he's a |hard "no"?

I'm |slowing down to |check out |her; I'm not |into |him. | | | 


He |moves out in the |street like he might |climb up into |my truck

She |rolls her eyes and |walks away. I |think I’ve run out |of luck

My |brakes need my at|tention as I’m trying not to |hit this |guy | | |

I |give a thumbs down |and I pass him; |he gives me a |dumb stare.

I |pull around the |corner and she’s |waiting for me |right there

I’m |hopeful this might |happen by the |way she looks me |in the |eye. | | |


We may lose, and we may win.

Either way I’ll be back here again.

I open up and she climbs in.

We take it easy…