So I have to admit I’m confused. I thought that the point of our faith in the resurrection is that we no longer fear death. We celebrate the martyrs because by dying rather than denying their faith, they bear witness to the truth that death has been conquered.
Now let me be the first to admit that I’m terrified of death, but that is because my faith is still weak. But I aspire to a faith that lets me affirm with all my heart “Death has been swallowed up in victory. Where, O death, is your victory Where, O death, is your sting?”
And more importantly than my personal meager faith, I thought that was the faith of the church: we need not fear death, because we have been baptized into Christ’s death and resurrection. I don’t have the fullness of faith that I pray for (Lord I believe; help me in my unbelief!), but I thought the faith we aspire teaches that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
So I don’t understand what I’ve been hearing from the Church this month. I don’t understand churches contemplating cancelling sacramental events to prevent the spread of viruses. I don’t understand the security plans in place at our bishop’s ordination last month in case of violence at the event. I don’t understand the Church acting as if she were afraid of death, because I thought she taught something else, and that faith of the Church was my hope. I thought it was a weakness of my faith that I am afraid to die, but that the church taught, and acted that the way we protect people from things that might kill them is to offer Baptism, Eucharist, reconciliation of a penitent, anointing of the sick, and burial of the dead. Of course we care for the sick, but that we aren’t especially concerned about preventing people from dying. That we just celebrated a liturgy on Wednesday with a central message that we are dust, and that we’re going to return to dust. That we don’t fear death; we prepare to participate in the resurrection. That all of us go down to the dust, but even at the grave we make our song, even during Lent: Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
I thought it was the weakness of my faith that made me fear death, so I don’t understand how the Church could act as if it too were afraid of death.
Update May 19: Revisiting these thoughts a few months later, more of this makes sense than it did then. If we act out of fear of death, that is a weakness of faith. My fear of death is a weakness of my faith. AND life is a gift from God. Acting to be good stewards of the gift of life does not imply a fear of death.
I have been projecting my lack of faith and fear of death onto actions to steward life. That is indeed one motivation for such actions, but not the only one.
